It was a Tuesday afternoon, like any other, when Nicanor found himself standing in the grocery store aisle, staring at the rows of siling labuyo. He sighed deeply, feeling a pang in his heart. This was the first time he was grocery shopping without Theresa, his wife of 32 years. Cancer had taken her suddenly, leaving him with a pantry full of half-used condiments and a heart full of memories.

Nicanor picked up a bunch of siling labuyo and placed it in his cart, half expecting Theresa to appear around the corner with a joke about their running joke – her obsession with finding the perfect Bicol Express recipe. As he pushed the cart along, he couldn’t help but chuckle, remembering how Theresa always made the mundane feel magical. Even a simple grocery run was an adventure with her, filled with banter and laughter.

He continued down the aisle, picking items absentmindedly, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he was greeted by Leah, Theresa’s best friend and partner in crime. They had been inseparable, like a pair of old comedians alwayready with a punchline.

“Hey Nicanor,” Leah greeted him with a warm smile. “How are you doing? Need any help with the groceries?”

“Hi Leah. Just trying to figure out what to buy. It’s strange doing this alone,” he admitted.

Leah nodded sympathetically. “I get it. Theresa had a way of making everything entertaining. Remember that time she convinced the butcher to let her try to juggle longganiza?”

Nicanor laughed out loud, the memory vivid and hilarious. “Yes, and she dropped them all! The butcher was so mad, but Theresa’s charm got her out of trouble.”

Leah’s eyes twinkled. “How about we make this trip a bit more fun? Let’s pretend we’re on a mission to find the world’s best ingredients for the ultimate Bicol Express. Just like Theresa would’ve done.”

Nicanor’s heart felt lighter. “That sounds perfect.”

As they roamed the aisles, laughing and reminiscing, Nicanor realized that while Theresa was gone, her spirit lived on in the joy and laughter she brought to those around her. Even in the mundane act of grocery shopping, she had left a legacy of love and humor that could turn sorrow into smiles.

And as they left the store with their carts full of groceries and hearts full of memories, Nicanor knew that he could face the future with a smile, knowing that Theresa’s laughter would always be with him, echoing in the aisles of his life.

Naghahanap ng aliw sa alingawngaw ng kanyang pagtawa, ngunit ang nakakaharap ko lamang ay ang nakakabinging katahimikan ng kalungkutan.

Ang bigat ng kanyang pagkawala ay napakahirap, gayunpaman ninanais kong makahanap ng pag-asa sa gitna ng pira-pirasong butil ng nabasag kong puso.

Babangon ako sa kama tuwing umaga at bubuntong hininga.

Pagtagal, mawawala na rin ang kirot at pagsikip ng hininga.

Darating kasi ang araw na hindi ko na kailangang isipin kung paano ako nagkaroon ng isang mahusay at perpektong buhay kasama ka.

kapag umuwi nang lahat ng mga kaibigan mo at ikaw na lang mag-isa, doon lumalabas ang mga demonyo.

I returned home to find a little peace — not to forget about losing my wife, but to find solace in memories that no longer bring constant tears.

For me, it means indulging in the food we loved and being surrounded by family and friends who genuinely care and support me, rather than just being curious about the misery of my newfound solitude.

Sinita ako ng TSA dito sa DFW airport. May nakita kasi sila sa X-ray kaya binuksan nila ang carry-on bag ko.

“I’m sorry for your loss” ang bati sa akin ng officer habang sinasara ang bag ko, pagkatapos ng inspection.

“Thank you, I’m taking my wife home” – sabay iwas tingin dahil malapit na akong maiyak.

Small human gestures from total strangers touch me the most.

Napipikon ako pag may nagtatanong kung kailan ang memorial ni Jet at disappointed sila pag sinabi kong sa Maynila gagawin at sa Enero, dahil hindi sila available.

Para naman kasing umiikot ang mundo sa kanila at kailangan kong palitan ang schedule ng memorial ng asawa ko para sa kanila.

Birthday ni Jet sa January. Angkop lang na sa petsang ito gagawin at sa lugar na kanyang pinakamamahal.

the business of death is difficult. you close your spouse’s accounts, pay her bills, cancel subscriptions, talk to insurance providers, and arrange funerals. all the while you’re doing this, you are grieving and every mention of her name breaks your heart.

When in sorrow, turn to a Beatles song.

Eleanor Rigby
Waits at the window
Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door

In my deepest grief I put on a mask.